she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
