he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
