I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize