So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
