i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
