did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
soo... how was my night?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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