I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
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