yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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