Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
