Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
