He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
