look no pants
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
tell me about the fingering
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