Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
