Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
