i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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