I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
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