I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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