You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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