woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
