apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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