I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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