Can i not drive my cunt home
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Who put my cat in the fridge?
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
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