so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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