Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
