Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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