You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
