just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
