He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
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