My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
