She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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