he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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