I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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