Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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