lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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