I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
