well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
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Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
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I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize