This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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