So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Randomize
