On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
