she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
