Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
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