New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
