I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
