Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I just found puke in my bra..
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
