Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Randomize
