wat bout pragnant strippers??
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
