Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
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