she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
