Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
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