Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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