i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
