3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
