is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
