The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
