it hurts more in the daytime
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
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