I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
