hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
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