College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Randomize
