I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
