I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
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