I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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