She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
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Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
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I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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