I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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