You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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